Mind the Gap

Have you noticed the gap between Knowing and Doing?

Where there's a gap, there's an opportunity.

Let's face it: We all know for better health and well-being we need to eat better, get better quality sleep, put some physical movement into our day, perhaps reduce social media consumption and other addictive substances in our lives. We know we need to do these things and we might even already know how to do some of these things. After all, we're intelligent beings; we've researched and read about it, thought about it, evaluated and critiqued what we've read, we've even discussed with friends and family about it. So far it's been a complete intellectual exercise, right? For some reason we haven't actually been able to go beyond the knowing and get to the doing. Why is that?

Certainly everyone has their own unique circumstances and we may have very legitimate reasons why we don't move forward with some things. Maybe these reasons resonate with you or maybe you have your own reasons you could add to the list:

• People in my household won't eat healthier food and then I'll end up having to cook different meals and that's too much X (substitute trouble, effort, time, waste for X)

• My work is very demanding - I can't afford time for exercise in the middle of the workday, I'm too exhausted at the end of the day, and I'd rather catch a few more zzz's in the morning than exercise

• If I spend more time sleeping, I can't get everything done that I need to do in a day

If you've spent a lot of time thinking and knowing you need to do something but just haven't done it, I challenge you to ask yourself why. Meditate on the "why" part of it rather than the "what" part of it. Peel back another layer of the onion here. When you think of all the reasons you've blocked yourself from taking action, do they start to sound more like excuses than reasons? Maybe, maybe not. No judging truly - as I said, everyone has their own situation.

When you meditate on what's keeping you from moving forward, maybe the following things bubble up for you:

• If I change my habits, it will change the dynamic and the relationship with people in my household (or at my work)

• If I start and can't keep up with the change, that's failure and I don't want to fail

• If I invest in doing something, there has to be a payoff; I could try really hard and still not get results

• I tried before and it didn't work (or I didn't stick with it) so trying again is not going to make a difference

If these and other similar thoughts or feelings or doubts are coming to the surface, you might notice the common thread is uncertainty or fear of the unknown. Often times what lives in the space between knowing and doing is fear and overwhelm. I'd invite you to try and reframe some of these thoughts and feelings to see if you can come at it with a different perspective, a more curious perspective. Here are some examples of reframing:

• When I invest in self-care (nutrition, movement, sleep, maybe even creative endeavors) to be healthier and happier, how will that have a positive impact in my home/family life (or in my work/office dynamic)? What can I do to enlist support from family, friends and co-workers?

• When I tried before, my circumstances were different and I couldn't really stick with the plan. But things are different now (maybe the kids are more self-sufficient, maybe the job is less demanding right now) so it might be a good time to try again or to try differently.

• Am I procrastinating? Will there ever be a right time? Can I try now? What's the worst thing that could happen if I try something a little bit different?

• Thinking macro (like doing Every. Single. Thing it takes to ensure 8 hours of quality sleep Every. Single. Night) is overwhelming. Can I break it down? Would even small steps help? Maybe I can get better sleep a couple times a week. Can I look at the steps without taking on the whole staircase?

That last one is really important. In our minds we can make all this out to be really big and it can feel super overwhelming, which stops us from getting started in the first place. Keep in mind that movement doesn't have to mean a formal 1-hour exercise session at the gym (which ends up being 2 hours by the time you drive there and back, change clothes, shower, etc.); improving nutrition doesn't have to mean preparing and eating 3 healthy meals 7 days a week. Breaking it down can help. Start with 1 or 2 micro steps and when you feel you've got that under your belt, consider if you're at a point to try another micro step. Here are a few ideas of micro steps to try:

• 1 minute: As you transition from one task to another, or from one meeting to another, take 1 minute to breathe deeply. It can help clear your mind from what you just completed so that you can reset your focus and your heart to what's coming next.

• 2 minutes: Enlist a family member, a friend, or a coworker to keep you accountable or support you for 1 micro step today.

• 3 minutes: If you sit throughout your work day, you at least occasionally get up to get a glass of water or use the facilities. After you've done that, turn on a song you love and dance like no one is watching! (If someone is watching, maybe you'd rather just stretch for a couple minutes?) Songs are usually about 3 minutes so you can get little bursts of movement throughout the day. Even once a day might be an improvement and fun, too!

• 5 minutes: Sit quietly and tune into your body to identify what you need for yourself today. Maybe all you need is this 5 minutes of breathing and feeling what it's like to be in your body in the moment. Maybe get a sense in your body if any of the micro steps are starting to have an effect on you.

• 10 minutes: Reduce social media or other screen time by 10 minutes each day. Use that time to find a nutritious recipe that everyone in the family will love, or to start winding down for bedtime, or to take a quick walk.

A few additional thoughts and notes:

• In addition to meditating on why you don't do something, also ponder why you want to establish a new habit. What will keep you going at it even on days when you don't feel up to it. And go pretty deep with this, too. Yes, we all want to feel better. But if I feel better tomorrow, will I skip my new good habit the day after tomorrow? Maybe it's something more like, I want to feel better every day so that I can be more present for my family and be better at my job. It needs to be something that resonates for you that will keep you coming back to the habit time and time again when the going gets rough.

• It goes without saying (but I'm going to say it), no one gets magically happier and healthier by not doing anything about it! Remember the quippy saying about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

• Don't beat yourself up if nothing is really working for you or if the timing isn't right. Pay attention to your self-talk and be positive and encouraging rather than taking the glass half-empty perspective. Trying to take steps is better than not trying at all so keep encouraging yourself.

• Nothing is permanent. Your situation yesterday is different from today is different from tomorrow. Something may work for you now that didn't previously or won't in the future. Without letting circumstances be an automatic excuse, be willing to allow yourself some grace when it's called for.

• Notice what it's like to be (what you're like when) engaged with your family, friends, and coworkers when your own tank is full and when it's depleted. Use that as motivation to mind the gap and mindfully keep taking steps to fill yourself up!

I'll close with this: Reading this blog post is really just another intellectual exercise. What are you going to DO about it? What opportunity is there for YOU in the gap? Let me know in the comments!