Foundational Attitude of Mindfulness: Acceptance

I have limited mobility in my right shoulder today; actually I could probably move it in all kinds of directions but certain movements cause pain so I am avoiding them at the moment. Knowing to avoid certain motions comes directly from Accepting these limitations. It doesn't mean my shoulder is going to be painful forever or that I accept it without question or without ever trying to resolve the issue. I'm not resigned to this pain. Like the attitude of non-striving from last week, acceptance does not imply lethargy or unwillingness. However if you want to remove a wall in your path, you first have to acknowledge and accept that a wall exists. Acceptance is seeing things as they are in the present moment.

Knowing the situation with my shoulder, I took a yoga class this morning anyway. There were a few poses that didn't cause pain and even felt pretty good in that shoulder and then there were a few that caused pain either moving into the pose or holding the pose. For any of the ones where pain was present, I stopped doing whatever was causing the pain. In doing that, just like the example of the wall on the path, I had to have enough awareness of my body to acknowledge the existence of pain, to accept pain as the fact of my being in those moments as moved through asana. Only by acknowledging and accepting could I know to not engage in certain postures and successfully avoid pain.

This awareness, acknowledgement, and acceptance are cultivated through meditation and are precursors for any kind of positive change that you might choose to effect into your life. Acceptance is one of the steps of overcoming addiction, it's one of the phases of grieving, it is ultimately a way of being compassionate with yourself and others. Accept the way you are right now (whether that's perhaps overweight or out of shape or ravaged by an illness), accept the situation you're in, seeing it for what it actually is in this moment. By not resisting the truth of what Is in this moment, you create a spaciousness which allows it to be what it is; this is acceptance.

On the other hand, when we resist and deny whatever is happening for us in the present moment, we expend a terrific amount of energy in that effort. So much so that we have nothing left in the tank for moving forward, for effecting change, for growing and healing. Have you ever gone to bed and had a lot of trouble getting to sleep or going back to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night? If that's happened, did you find yourself trying to force yourself to sleep with your thinking brain screaming, "YOU NEED TO GO TO SLEEP!"? You tossed and turned and tried and tried and became ever more frustrated as you watched the minutes and hours go by on the clock, right?

This is denial and resistance. In this case, maybe your body and/or mind is trying to tell you it's not ready to go to sleep. Maybe it could be worthwhile to not resist this state of being awake; instead acknowledge and accept the fact that you are restless. Get up and read or meditate, listen to music, or do something productive until you start feeling sleepy. Maybe it would be helpful to reflect on what thoughts are busying your mind and see if there is a pattern. Jot some notes about what comes to mind so you can deal with it in the morning. (Even the Borg recognized that "Resistance is futile" and used it as its mantra!)

The same with meditation. Perhaps your mind is busy and you keep trying to push thoughts out of your mind because you are trying to quiet the mind. But here again, resistance is futile. Acknowledge that you have an active mind in this moment, accept that you are restless right now, and sit with that for a moment just allowing it to sink in without judging your practice negatively regardless of how uncomfortable it is. After a moment or so, those thoughts may fade and you may be able to gently draw your observing mind back to the breath. And in these moments when you come back to the breath, you realize that nothing is permanent, everything changes. A moment ago, your mind was busy and in this moment, your mind is observing the breath.

As you can see, accepting what is is not about having a passive attitude, it's not even about feeling ok or satisfied with the situation. You are not resigning yourself to what is. You are simply saying to yourself, "This is the way it is for me in this moment." You see the wall blocking the path. Now you have created space to make a choice. "I can climb the wall, I can go around the wall, I can remove the wall." You have created space to see the options and rather than be frustrated that there is a wall, recognize the freedom that comes in the acknowledgment and acceptance of the wall, the freedom to choose a way forward or to wait for something to change. Maybe that wall is built of snow and when the sun shines and the temperatures climb, that wall will melt away all by itself.

Is there something in your life that you would like to change but are struggling with? Would it help to first accept the situation as it is right now? To be with whatever that is for a little bit even if it's uncomfortable? If you're comfortable sharing your situation, I encourage you to start a discussion by commenting below.