Foundational Attitude of Mindfulness: Letting Go

Letting go is "an invitation to cease clinging to anything... It is a conscious decision to release with full acceptance into the stream of present moments as they are unfolding... allowing things to be as they are without getting caught up in your attraction to or rejection of them." Sensing a pattern yet? Yup, this is Jon Kabat-Zinn in Wherever You Go, There You Are.

Some of us cling to our physical things - mementos, memorabilia, heirlooms, creature comforts, cash or objects of monetary value. Some of us cling to our addictions - foods, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, money, creature comforts (again), particular people in our lives. I would hazard a guess to say that probably all of us cling to the stuff in our heads and hearts - memories of the past, whether they be good or bad; dreams and hopes of the future; fears and ideas of how we think things should be or how we want them to be. When we're attached to our own memories of the past and hopes for the future, really this is an attachment to our own ideas and thoughts, it is ultimately an attachment to self, to ego.

Letting go is allowing for the ego to drift away, to let go of resisting one's own connection to wholeness and love. When we cling to being right or insisting that our answer is the right one, there's no room for another right answer. Many times there's more than one route that leads to a destination but when we insist on being right, we're not allowing for another way, perhaps a better way, a way with fewer stop lights or less traffic. We're also not allowing for the opportunity to engage with others in a meaningful way in the present moment. We have an opportunity to learn from someone's else's experience but to do that, we have to soothe our ego, to release any need to always be right, to be best.

The paradox is that letting go generates a natural attraction. When you let go of your ego and you are truly open and accepting of what others can contribute, when you are curious about them in a way that drives connection, you're creating an atmosphere of trust where the other person feels comfortable to share their contribution. In that moment of being open and the other person sharing, in that collaboration is connection and attraction. The other person, having had this moment of trust and this honest collaborative moment with you, will also be open to hearing your ideas and opinions and your contributions. Can you remember a time when you've engaged in such an interaction? What did you notice about time passing? I'd hazard a guess that you didn't notice the passing of time at all! This is flow - being in a timeless moment.

There's also a natural clinging to societal norms whether they are right for you or not. Many people define success through accomplishments and achievements. For example, by a certain age, one should have completed university (perhaps even a graduate degree), landed a great job, found a life partner and gotten married, bought a house, have two cars in the garage, a dog in the yard, and have their kids attending the best kindergarten in the region and getting straight A's. For many, if we don't achieve this status in life, our egos are damaged, we are made to feel like failures. But we need to let that go and release those expectations of ourselves and others. People have their own definitions of success and we know that the facade of the life described above doesn't necessarily lead to inner happiness.

When we cling and grasp to things external, when we believe that people or events outside ourselves are responsible for our happiness, when we can't let go of our ego, we don't leave room for the richness and the fullness of the present moment experience, for the happiness and joy that is created from within from being in the moment. Even beyond that, clinging to our traumas and fears, our perceptions and preconceived notions of how things are or should be are blockers to engaging fully here and now. We have to exhale, release the breath and let it go in order to make room for the next inhale. We have to let go of whatever happened yesterday to make room for the possibilities of today.